Years ago, as I cautiously experimented with believing there was some kind of universal energy out there guiding us, I started to rely on signs from the Universe. I kept a “coincidence” journal as if I was conducting an investigation, and I eagerly walked down the street to my Saturday morning yoga class, where I pulled a card from the angel card deck. Theory had it that by law of attraction we’d pull the card with the message we were meant to hear.
I began to live for those Saturday morning cards, as the messages were written in a supportive and loving way, which I especially needed during that time in my life. Plus, the cards were usually pretty accurate. This led me to exploring more woo woo. I started reading more about angels and in doing so began hoping I’d see a random feather or coin (known messages from angels). Before long, my days were filled with looking for signs from the universe, decoding their message to the best of my ability, and trusting their guidance.
One time, as I meditated in Balboa Park, in my favorite hidden spot, I asked for guidance on whether or not it would be OK to have a couple cocktails at a wedding I was attending. At the time I was working with a spiritual teacher who was firm about completely abstaining from alcohol (I’d later realize he wasn’t the teacher for me). Anyway, as I asked the universe for a sign around this, I got up from my usual spot and realized I had been sitting on a champagne cork that was 2/3 buried into the ground! The angels were giving me permission to have my favorite indulgence at the wedding! I couldn’t believe it!
I crack up as I write this now because first of all I sound totally nuts, but also because I think the angels were probably more likely warning me that I might have more than a couple, and I might not see a step, fall, and skin my knee. (That may or may not have happened.) Years later I’d come to see this same pattern in others. For example, my friend who decided she’d walk the beach and ask for signs from her angels via feathers and heart shaped rocks. I later received an angry text from her telling me, there are (expletive) bird feathers all over the (expletive) beach. What are they trying to tell me? And why do you find heart shaped rocks all the time and I don’t? I refrained from reminding her that seagulls chill at the beach and I ignored the heart comment.
Humor aside, I have learned some serious lessons from all of this.
- No message is a message. If you’re asking for guidance on something, and you feel like you’re not getting any, that is your message! Back off. Trust you’ll receive when the time is right.
- When your energy is chaotic, it’s hard to receive guidance. When we are riddled with fear, doubt, worry and other lower level emotions, we are blocking the flow of our energy and our flow with life.
- The best place to clearly receive guidance is to go within. We’re often so desperate for the quick fix or the quick answer that we bypass our own internal guidance system and reach for the external solution.
- Which leads to my next point and my biggest ah-ha related to this subject. All of this really boils down to self-trust…
This last ah-ha hit me only at the beginning of the year. I realized I’d been doing weekly intuitive readings for all of my clients, but when it came to me, I was still relying on others’ intuition! When I reflected further, I realized I completely trusted myself when channeling and intuiting for clients, but I didn’t trust that I could receive guidance for myself. Yikes. Not a pretty realization, but I think it’s a common one. For example, how often do you just know something will turn out smashingly for a friend, but you don’t have the same level of confidence for your own outcome?
This realization created multiple shifts in my life. First, with clients I changed the format of our conversations so they were reaching inside more often than relying on my intuition. Second, I stopped seeing other intuitives. I became disciplined about using my own intuition for my own matters. When I wanted guidance, I’d drop into a meditation and ask for it, instead of texting or calling an intuitive friend. I began noticing that the richest and most insightful answers lie within, if we clear the space to connect with our intuition and trust ourselves enough to believe what we receive. And maybe the best side effect of learning to trust yourself in this way is that your need to ask for external evidence shrinks.
So today my self-trust is a lot stronger. I will of course see other intuitives in the future, but I trust my own intuition the most. I still take notice of coincidences and believe they are valuable messages, but I use them secondary to what I’m feeling inside. And of course, I still enjoy and find value in busting out my angel cards and goddess cards. However I use them as a general check-in. For example by asking, what would you like me to know today? But, if I want to have an occasional glass of champagne, or make a change with my business, I check in with myself and decide.