Today I want to give you a taste of my secret sauce for overcoming moments of feeling like you’re not good enough. Obviously feeling unworthy is something that affects all of us, some more than others, but did ya know that it actually affects highly successful people as much if not more than the average Jane? Yup, it’s true.
Because for some of us (ahem, moi), we developed a pattern of striving for outward success to compensate for what we felt was lacking internally. Which on one hand is pretty cool – go us – we didn’t just sit on our butts and do nothing. On the other hand, it’s not so bueno because it leads to a constant cycle of joy sucking and exhaustion. If a key pillar of our worth is based on success, then we are fulfilled only when we’re winning, achieving, succeeding. Make sense?
So, here’s a few ways I’ve learned to deal with the “unworthies” (as I call them) when they come knocking…
1. Change your expectation
I came to terms with the fact feeling unworthy is something that will never fully go away. It’s a human condition to feel like we’re not good enough. It doesn’t mean we feel that way 24/7, but it is something that we cycle through depending on our mood, circumstances, etc. But before you get depressed and start feeling helpless, also know that there is a LOT you can do about it. More on that in a moment.
But first, let’s talk about the advantage of knowing that it doesn’t fully go away. Knowing that gives you power to relate differently to feeling unworthy. When it happens I don’t spiral thinking, OMG, IT’S BACK, IT’S BACK IT’S BACK!!! RRRRRR!!!! I THOUGHT I WAS DONE WITH YOU!!! I don’t feel like a total failure for having an attack of the unworthies, which honestly can make you feel worse if you get sucked down that path. Because then not only do you feel unworthy but you also are feel upset for feeling unworthy. Following me?
When it happens today I notice it, instead of freaking out or resisting it, and approach it completely differently. Speaking of that…
2. Self-worth is a choice
What I just shared was an example of how I made a choice. I chose not to freak out when I had a moment of feeling unworthy. That’s when things really shifted for me. I started treating my “you’re-a-total-loser-attacks” like an anxiety attack. Let me explain… I used to have anxiety regularly. At first anxiety attacks felt completely overpowering and paralyzing. Because I would allow all sorts of, oh shit I can’t believe this is happening, thoughts flood my mind (similar to what I mentioned above). Which, ultimately those kinds of thoughts are a form of resistance. And ya know, what resists persists.
Then I realized I had a choice in the matter. I could stop have a reaction to the anxiety attack. I could notice it and breathe through it. I could stop telling myself I don’t have time to feel this. And guess what? The anxiety would pass much quicker.
I’m inviting you to do the same thing next time you start feeling unworthy. You can let your mind run wild and completely beat you up with how completely unworthy you are. Or you can stop it in it’s track, notice it, laugh at it (eventually), and then choose a different thought.
Oh heyyyyyy, I see you. I see that same old feeling creeping up. I am actually pretty freaking amazing, thank you very much. Literally by just doing that one simple thing, you will reduce the power it has over you. This takes practice but it’s 100% possible. Because…
3. You got the power, Girl
You do. You just had to learn it yourself, as Glinda the Good Witch famously said. So here’s what I mean by that…
Our personal power, self-worth, ego, warrior energy, confidence, and ability to accomplish are all connected to our solar plexus chakra. Interesting, right? By shifting our energy there, we can shift our whole experience.
Your ego is not your amigo, as you’ve probably heard before. Our ego can be pesky and destructive. It perpetuates those fear-based, unworthy feeling thoughts. But, really our ego is just trying to protect us. It’s thought process is something like, you might fail at that, so let me just make sure you never even try. When that happens it’s an opportunity to take back our power and take back control. To choose to not listen to the voice.
When we (1) expect the voice of the ego to appear and (2) remember we have a choice, we can (3) take back our power. You can choose to shift the pendulum back from an ego imbalance to a place of personal empowerment. You can choose to remember the truth, which is that you’re freaking amazing and you will be amazing whether you succeed or fail at whatever you’re up to. You can remember that a moment of feeling unworthy doesn’t define you, it is just an invitation to connect with the amazing woman within. It’s a reminder that you’ve somehow disconnected from her, and she’d like to reconnect.
If I were to add a #4 to this blog, it would be to share recommended tools to help you strengthen your self-worth muscles. Since it’s too much to fit into a blog, and really not the best format for them anyway, I’m thinking of doing a free challenge or webinar next month to share some of them with you. Would you be interested in learning my self-worth boosting tools? Comment in box if you are!