Last year on this day I was wrapping up an amazing trip to Sedona. My first real solo getaway since becoming a mom (to a 2-legged child).
As I reflected on the anniversary of it, something became so clear that I wanted to share with you.
Has something ever come so easily to you that you felt guilty about it?
That’s exactly what happened to me.
I got home from the trip. Re-read my journal notes from the retreat a bunch of times. Outlined the “homework” and practices. And started doing them.
Four days later, I got on a plane with my daughter and husband to go celebrate my sister’s 40th birthday.
We drank champagne. We celebrated. We ate. We laughed. We did all the fun human things.
Shortly after getting back from that trip, I started channeling. Not like the kind I had done in the past (claircognizance), but more like trance channeling.
I felt excited, grateful, surprised, but also GUILT + SHAME ????.
All kinds of self-judgements ran wild. Things like…
OMG I wasn’t meditating for 20 hours a day, I was sipping champagne.
There are probably people from the retreat who did more work after than I did.
Didn’t spirit know all of this???
I don’t deserve this.
Because I was out enjoying life, not doing all the spiritual things, not working hard at it, I didn’t deserve this life-changing gift.
I could argue that I did do integration work afterwards (even if it was for a couple of days).
I could also argue that I’d invested over a decade into my spiritual practices.
But how I see it now?
The joy I experienced during our trip actually helped open my abilities and receive that gift.
Joy and play are high vibrations. When we are in those energies, we create flow in all areas of our life.
We don’t have to suffocate our dreams but focusing on only one aspect of our life. We get to be a whole person and tend to all areas of our lives, and still be successful.
We don’t have to do all the work ourselves, and, when we consciously lean out, sometimes we create space to receive.
And of course, we’re meant to be here to experience being human. And enjoy all the human things. Because … spirit can’t sip champagne. 😉
So, can we “cheers” to untangling these beliefs about worthiness, working, receiving and having fun?
Clearly, it’s a practice for me.
But each time we are aware of something we weren’t before, we have created a shift. And little by little those add up to big results.
PS – as you read this I’m wrapping up another retreat in Sedona, so I’m sure I’ll have some magical new insights to send your way shortly!